If we're not careful, our children will teach us a lesson...or two..or more. It all weighs on our ability to pay attention and our tenacity for living in the moment. Too much worry about the future or distraction with the unnecessary can steal a lesson right out from underneath us. I firmly believe all of the static in our lives is a tool from the devil to keep us restless and unhappy. Vacation is one of those times when we can clear our heads and refocus. We can stop and meditate on the things that bring us peace and joy. It's where I learned my lesson this week.
Jack (my son) and I vacationed with my parents this week. We camp with them every year at Myrtle Beach. We decided on Tuesday that the two of us would head to the pool. It's a pretty good trek across the campground so my mom drove us in her car. She promptly left after dropping us off in front of the building that leads to the pool. Little did we know, the pool was closed. There was no pool and no car. We were hoofing it back to our camper.
Jack has only spent two years in the outside world. The first four years of his life were lived between the walls of an orphanage, and of all the rooms in the orphanage, he usually migrated between only two. He doesn't always understand how things work in this new world where people are free to come and go as they please. Let's just say that in his eyes we had been abandoned and were doomed to roam the campground for all eternity.
He took one step out of the pool building. His eyes got as big as saucers, and he said, "Where'd the caw? I think maybe we lost." To which I replied, " You may be lost, but Mommy is not lost. Get my hand. We're walking back to the camper."
I could see that he was clearly not convinced that we were not lost, but reluctantly he followed my lead. It wasn't without some direction, though. What I mean is that everytime he thought we were near our destination he would be sure to tell me exactly where we needed to go. Now, he really had no clue where he was at or where he was going, but he felt as though he needed to help. Jack hasn't learned that he doesn't have to rely on himself anymore. He has a mommy and daddy (and lots of other awesome people) who take care of him.
It was after about the second direction, about the time that I was on the verge of losing it (It was hot, very, very hot, and trying to convince Jack that all was not lost was futile.), that I realized I handle my own insecurities the same way as Jack was handling his insecurities. I mean I'm not in a campground, but I'm doing this thing called life. Sometimes, I have no idea where I'm going or even a frame of reference for where to begin, and I panic.
As many times as I've found my Heavenly Father faithful, I still only reluctantly follow Him. Even after I start on the path and He is leading, I feel as though I somehow need to help. Me, in my finite wisdom, helping the Creator of the Universe. Really? How could I be so insecure and prideful?
The really fantastic part, He gets it. He understands that I am impossibly flesh. He knows I will wrestle with this sin nature until my glorification. He never leaves me stranded, the same way I would never leave Jack's standing alone and terrified in that campground. He gently takes my hand, listens to my fears and complaints, and then reassures me, " You may be lost, but the God of all Creation is never lost."
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