Opportunity

     My job can be discouraging.  There's no other way to say it. I work in a title I school as a fifth grade teacher. As I look over my class each year, I am fully aware that some of my boys may not make it to the age of thirty. They will die at the hand of someone else's pride. My girls will become teenage mothers, stuck in a vicious cycle, unable to climb out of the hole they have gotten themselves into. These are not statements of acceptance. Chains and strongholds can be broken, but for now, it is the reality of many of my students.
      I can only hope that I will be one of a multitude of pieces to a puzzle that will lead these students from a life with few choices to a life that is open to the largest of imaginations, the kind of life that seems unattainable on many days.  I keep my fingers crossed that something I will say will stick. I pray that a child will grab hold of what is true about themselves and carry it into adulthood. However, all too often, those truths slip away in the undertow of a life that is focused on mere survival and a skewed identity.
     But....every once in awhile, God reminds me that I am not the one at the helm, and I must stay the course that He has set before me.  One of those reminders came, today.  I was grocery shopping when I heard from behind me, "Excuse me, are you Mrs. Paxton?"  I turned around and knew the face and name immediately. That's saying a lot.  After ten years of teaching in some form or fashion, it's not always a given that I will remember a name.  We'll just say he was one of those students that had an excellent way of making his presence known.
    I can remember thinking to myself during his year with me, I don't know about this one. He's smart, but he sure likes to get into trouble.  To be honest with you, it shocked me into almost being speechless that before me stood a respectful, well-spoken young man.  It was obvious that there had been some changes in his life.  It is my understanding that his mother worked more than one job to set this child up with opportunities that would be game changers.  It's working. I walked away saying to myself,  Yes! Yes! Yes! This one is going to make it!
     We exchanged some conversation.  He went his way. I went mine.  As I walked away, I thought,  What should I have really said to him?  What did I really want to say to him?  I wish I could have held him by the shoulders and said, "Do you realize the opportunity that your mother has given to you?  Do you understand that you have hit one of life's lotteries? Take it and run as hard as you can with it!  Even if what is happening around you is out of your comfort zone, embrace it. Learn from it.  You are on your way to a prize!"
      Oh, but what about myself? Spirit of God, convict me for forgetting the opportunities that Christ has laid before me; salvation, opened doors, relationships, talents, all of the graces of God and gifts of the Spirit. Do I squander these great gifts God has given me? I am redeemed by a God who has pulled me from the pit, and yet, I turn my back on Him when life becomes uncomfortable and unfamiliar.  I consider myself lost and disoriented only because I spend far too much time walking my own path rather than finding myself on His path running, crawling, face down, prostrate before my Father, looking for a glorious ending.  I fail to embrace and learn from each experience God has allowed to grace my life.  I lose focus of the prize. I forget it's real.
    The glorious ending, the prize, do I truly grasp the prize? I imagine Heaven. I hope there is a seashore and water that is pure and translucent,  far beyond anything we have ever experienced in this fallen world. I imagine my children running up and down that seashore, waving their hands frantically over their heads, waving me home, yelling, "Mom, mom, we're here! We've been waiting!"  Then, I want to wait there,  just a little while,  for the children that will come behind.  Waiting to dance. Dance to a music that this fleshly body could never hear nor understand. I want to dance on the shores of Heaven with my babies....
      But, what about this prize?  It is far less about the beauties of Heaven and far more about those that we will bring along with us.  Will I stand on the shore of Heaven to no avail? Waiting, waiting, waiting, only to realize that no one is coming, not my children, not my extended family, not my students, not my neighbors.  Will I stand before Christ with empty hands because I neglected the opportunities that He has given to me or because I failed to learn the hard lessons?   Will I stand on empty shores because I failed to show and invite others to the love of Christ, or worse, because I have acted as though Christ doesn't love me?
      My friend Leslie shared this on Facebook a few days ago. I was reminded of it when I began writing this blog, today.  It is from Anything, authored by Jennie Allen:
That night on the floor I told Him, " From this point on things are changing.  I am living for the moment when I will face you.  I want to get to Heaven out of  breath, having willingly done anything 
that you-God of the universe-ask......ANYTHING."  I had a constant nagging feeling that God was 
real and this life wasn't a game; it wasn't about my comfort or my curtains or how much everyone liked me or approved of me.  Heaven was coming, God's voice was clear, and I needed to quit pretending that everything was just lovely.
      I, too, want to get to Heaven breathless.  I want to take God up on every opportunity He provides. I pray that all His grace provides will fall from my hands into the hands of those around me.  I want those around me to know that I've hit Eternity's lottery and the abundance is to be shared.  It never runs dry. I even want to learn the uncomfortable lessons, the ones that make me more like Christ.  I want. I want. I want more then anything else in the whole wide world to dance on the shores of Heaven, and while I am dancing, to look across those translucent waters and see a familiar face, or two..