Jack Paxton, dubbed "Jack Knife" by a family friend, which I love because the child is an accident waiting to happen, got the most interesting idea I've heard of in a long, long time. Being only the mommy, I did not realize that chewing pennies would increase your muscle mass. Jack did. In his attempt to become the next Mr. Olympia, he ended up with a penny lodged in his throat. I'll spare you the details and only say that we found ourselves at the hospital for an overnight stay and surgery the following morning.
Before we go any further, I must tell you that my extremely creative and most intelligent son was a very sick orphan for the first four years of his life. From the information that we have gathered, Jack probably spent about half of those fours years hospitalized. As far as we know, there was never one constant person with him throughout those stays. It is fair to assume that he spent many days, nights, hours, weeks, and months alone. He developed such anxiety that he pulled out his hair in large patches and scratched his skin to the point of leaving open wounds. The hair has grown back and the scratching has decreased, but the emotional scars run deep down under the surface. There are certain situations that make those scars rear their ugly heads, and they show up kicking and screaming loud enough to get every one's attention. Thus was the case the night of our hospital stay.
One failed attempt at an IV would send any kid over the top, two without question. Finally, number three hit the target, and I had a child on my hands who was hysterically trying to remove his own IV. I had gone from being mommy to being the enemy, not once did he seek my comfort or call out my name. Trying to console him was impossible. He had learned to do that for himself. The emotional response that had been invoked from years of abandonment and a scenario that was all too familiar, left me with a kicking, screaming, untouchable boy.
By 2 am, six hours later, I was exasperated. In one last desperate attempt to soothe my child, I picked Jack up and held him close to me. I got what I expected, nearly beat to death by flailing hands and feet. Then, he did it, just at the very moment when I was about to let him go. He jumped the gap. The gap being the distance between what we feel and what is actually truth. He let go of his past and jumped into his future. He grabbed on to me and never let go. All night, he held on. I knew in that moment that something big had happened. He had chosen, despite his overwhelming emotions, to trust, just one more time. Our relationship changed.
The circumstances surrounding that evening were difficult, devastating to Jack, and overwhelming for me. Nothing about the exterior of the event changed that entire night, not before the jump, not after the jump. It was on the inside that changes were made. God was doing a work on the interior of an ex-orphan boy and his momma.
Romans 8:28-30 reads: 28.And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. 29. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate (determine) to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30. Moreover whom he did predestinate (determine to conform), them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
I was curious about the word called in verse twenty-eight. I did some asking around and found out that this word is not a past tense verb, but an active present tense verb. There are future implications that result from answering the call of the Holy Spirit. That means that there is a process that is going to follow our initial calling or conversion. This process includes three promises from God. Through Christ we are justified, sanctified, and ultimately receive glorification, justification being reconciled with God through Christ's sacrifice, glorification happening after this life when we are made perfect in the likeness of our Savior.
It's that middle step that God spoke to me so loudly about in a hospital room with a broken child, the step of sanctification. Paul tells us in verse twenty nine that God has determined to conform us into the image of Christ, to reflect the Son. It will never be about our environment, our circumstance, all the things that pass away. It is always about the transformation on the inside. God is always about the eternal, those things that will last forever. His character is good. His purpose is to bring glory upon Himself by redeeming the saints through the process of the call. He wants us to look more and more like Him (sanctification) so that we may draw others to the cross and in the process, break our own binding chains.
What are the good things that Paul speaks of in verse twenty-eight? They're not a better job, more money, perfect children, or a textbook marriage. Those things may or may not get better. Looking at these things will only leave us discouraged. It's the promise that God is working all these circumstances, good or bad, to make us more like Christ. In other words, He wants to build us from the inside out. It doesn't get any better than that.
So, are we going to jump the gap the way that Jack did, terrified, feeling betrayed, hurting? Despite his very real emotions, he jumped with everything he had. Our Father is standing with His arms outstretched, calling to us, over and over, again, " Jump! Answer my call. I have a work to do within you." The most wonderful thing about the call, it never stops. We hear it every second, every minute, every hour, of every day. He never stops calling us to healing. He never stops calling us into becoming more and more like Himself. It is up to us to respond. Will we? Will we stand on the very edge of the gap, knees shaking, heart raising, letting go of our circumstances, and jump with all of our might, straight into the arms of our Savior? Will we allow Christ to do what He does best, change our heart for all eternity.
